Great Marriages

“Great marriages don’t happen by luck or by accident. They are the result of a consistent investment of time, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, affection, prayer, mutual respect, and a rock-solid commitment between a husband and a wife.” Dave Willis

Love is Kind

To have the marriage that we all want and dream of means we have to learn to love our spouse well. The Bible says it best, Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:8. But what is love? Is it simply being romantic or having creative date nights. Is it remembering your spouse's birthday or bringing her flowers? The Greek word for "fails" in this verse is translated "to fall." When the Bible says love never fails, it means it will not fall or falter. Love is constant, consistent, and can be counted on. To love our spouse well means we have to be constant in our love. We will never be perfect, but we can can be consistent.

1 Corinthians 13 gives us a beautiful description of what it means to love our spouse well. Love is patient, love is kind... Last week we looked at patience, so this week we will see what it means to be kind.

To love well means we treat each other with kindness. Immediately when we think of kindness, we think of doing a nice deed or saying nice words. Although being kind to your spouse does mean doing nice things or saying nice words, biblical kindness is even deeper than that.

But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. Titus 3:4-5

The love and kindness God showed us was the most beautiful demonstration of his mercy. Mercy is what we all truly long for and desire - please treat me with gentleness and compassion, even though I don't deserve it.

Loving well is showing kindness even when your spouse irritates you. It is showing kindness even when they don't deserve it. When we see the love and kindness God has extended towards us, it gives us an example of how we are to be kind to our spouse. But more than that, it gives us the faith and supernatural strength to show kindness and mercy.

When you want to be angry, be kind instead. What you want to be short, be kind instead. When we want to be judgmental, be kind instead. When you want to be selfish, be kind instead. Kindness transforms a marriage because we are extending mercy towards one another. And a love and kindness based upon the mercy of God will not fail.

Make a list of 1-2 things you can do to show kindness to your spouse this week.

Make a list of 1-2 kind things you can say to your spouse this week.

Choose to show mercy and give kindness instead.

Love is Patient

In marriage, we can focus on better communication, keeping romance in our relationship, or how to fight fair, but the key to doing these well is learning to love well. What does it look like to love well? Jesus said, Greater love has no man than this than he lay down his life for his friends.” Loving others well is not a walk in the park; it takes sacrifice and emotional maturity.

One of the most beautiful descriptions of what love looks like is found 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Notice the first description of loving well - Love is patient. Why did it have to start with that one? Ever tried to be patient when your husband is late, or your wife lost her keys… again, etc. If you want to love well, you have to start with patience. Our spouse will do things that annoy us, irritate us, and even make us angry. But if we want to love well we have to learn to be patient. I love what someone said, “Patience is not the ability to wait; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while we wait.” This takes patience to a whole new level. Have you ever had to wait for your spouse and inside you are boiling mad on the inside?

John Wesley said, Humility and patience are the surest proofs of the increase of love.”

Every time your spouse tests your patience it is an opportunity to grow in love. Hold your tongue, weigh your words, and take some deep breaths before you speak, and your capacity to love your spouse with patience will increase.

What helps you to be patient with your spouse? Leave it in the comments.