James Clear, Author of the #1 NY Times bestseller, Atomic Habits – Tiny Changes, Remarkable Results, talks about how making tiny adjustments over time can net you huge dividends. He defines atomic habits as: a regular practice or routine that is not only small and easy to do, but also the source of incredible power; a component of the system of compound growth. Clear writes, ““Success is the product of daily habits—not once-in-a-lifetime transformations.”
When it comes to relationships and marriage, people often want the cure all, “one thing” formula that will transform their marriage into what they’ve always dreamed of. Few couples think about and focus on simply improving in several areas on a daily basis – things like good communication, talking through differences, sharing withholds, regular date nights, deepening romance, or improving sex. Interestingly, it is the few couples who do focus on “atomic habits” within specific aspects of their marriage who do experience the greatest level of fulfillment. Best Life magazine explained the power of daily habits within marriage that build the healthiest relationships. https://bestlifeonline.com/healthy-marriage-habits/
Here are a few things Amy and I do on a daily basis to grow our marriage and make it better each day:
1. We pray together.
I can't think of a more effective, transforming habit to improve a marriage than daily prayer. Amy and I will take a few minutes each day to pray over our marriage or what is ahead that day. Our habit is to pray while we walk in the morning, or while we’re still in bed before we leave the bedroom and start our day. Start with just a minute a day.
2. We exercise (usually not together, but on our own)
This could be anywhere from 15 -60 minutes.
3. We talk about the day ahead early in the morning.
We ask each other what we have planned, who we’re meeting with, what work we have to do.
4. Kiss each other in the morning and before we leave the house.
I know this might seem trite or over obvious, but small signs of affection over time hold a lot of weight.
5. We call each other 1-2 times throughout the day.
Just to say hello or ask how the day is going. We ask each other if need we anything,
6. We share one salient thought from scripture.
It could have been an interesting passage, a new take on a verse, something that God stressed in the our personal Bible reading, etc.
7. We eat dinner together.
This is the time to review the day, have quality family time, and bond.
8. We read at night and share what we’re reading
We don’t have a television or computer in our bedroom. We read books or Kindle and then talk about what we read that impacted us.
9. We watch a fun video about cooking or decorating or travel or a comedy for a few minutes and laugh together. Laughter is a powerful habit and breathes life into a relationship. It can't be all serious.
10. We tell each other "I love you" at least five times a day.
I can’t stress how important this is. Of course our mate knows this, but to say it and look at them, and maybe touch them gently while saying this is so reaffirming to our mate’s heart and soul.
Amy and I have built these habits into our marriage over decades. Start with just one or two. Make it a habit to pray for a minute a day and say I love you, I'm thinking about you. Then slowly add more habits over time. Instead of trying to fix your marriage or overhaul it overnight, seek to make small changes on a daily basis over a long period of time. The results will be remarkable!
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