Becoming a Team

Every football team needs a quarterback, blockers, receivers, running back, and a defensive line / secondary. Every position on that team is essential to having a winning team. No player can win on their own. And no team can survive if there is division. Marriage is the same way. We can't have a beautiful and durable marriage if we are not on the same team. Marriage is the ultimate team sport and marriages only work well when husbands and wives regularly practice this together.

This became real clear to us early in our marriage when the topic of money came up. Whenever I brought up the bills or our debt, I became like a rival team to my husband. It got so bad that Dave and I even tried to ignore the topic of money altogether. I'll never forget the day when we were in the middle of one of our "lively discussions" about finances that Dave said to me, "Amy, I need you to fight along side me not against me. I need you to be on the same team." Ouch! That hurt, but he was right. We were pulling in the opposite direction and we weren't getting anywhere. We prayed right then & there and asked God to help us work together to come up with a plan for our finances and then work it together.

So much energy is lost when we are working against each other. Both husband and wife could be right, but they're still on opposing teams rather than the same team if there's nagging, arguing, defensiveness, withdrawal, blame-shifting and fault-finding. There is no "you" or "me," there's only "we." This helps us to clarify how we can move forward - united together with a common goal and objective.

Truth to Ponder: Two are better off than one, because together they can work more effectively.

Discuss Together: think about one area where you absolutely have to be on the same team (Ie. Finances, in-laws, special needs child, job change). How can you (not your spouse) create a more effective team environment?

Try This: Ask your spouse how you've helped them in a certain area of their life. Ask how you can do a better job as a "team player."