It takes the Right Tools

Ever tried to build something without the right tools? Once I tried to fix some plumbing in my bathroom. I was missing the proper tools and my patience ran out. (Can I rant for a moment? Whenever I need a tool to fix something in our 1950's house, it almost always mysteriously disappears.) But back to my point - The great marriages are built with the right "tools."

Amy and I have found that understanding your mate is a great tool to repair, maintain or improve your marriage. Many arguments erupt because the husband or wife can't understand what their spouse is thinking, hoping, intending or doing. For instance, I heard a story of a man who didn't talk to his wife for a day, and seemed preoccupied and sullen. The next day the same thing. His wife began to worry - what did I do wrong? Maybe he doesn't want to be around me anymore. After the third day of this behavior, she was convinced he wanted to leave her. A friend stopped by and noticed his sullen and dejected state, and asked, "what's wrong?" He told his friend, in the hearing of his spouse, "The motorcycle won't start, and I can't figure out what the problem is." For days his spouse had a wrong understanding of the problem. Understanding what's going on within the heart and mind of our spouse is a great tool for a beautiful and durable marriage!

TRUTH TO PONDER: Live with your spouse in an understanding way.

DISCUSS TOGETHER: How do you define understanding? Give an example in your marriage of how a lack of understanding created tension, and how seeking to understand each other brought relief.

TRY THIS: Each of you share one thing you've been focused on this week that your spouse is probably not be aware of. (Job situation, unexpected bill, family matter, etc)