Over the next few weeks, we will share the top 4 needs of men and women. Taken from the best selling book, Strengths Based Marriage, we will discover the basics felt needs of your spouse. Philippians 2:3-4 says, Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to you own interests but each of you to the interests of others." Even if you don't have the same need, love says I'll look out for your interests above my own and meet that need you have because I love you.
When men were asked one of their top needs they said RESPECT. Jimmy Evans writes, "This is the mega need of men, and they see life through that lens and hear everything thorough that filter. Regardless of what is being said to a man, if he discerns disrespect in it, he will reject it. Everything she says to him must be encrypted with honor and respect. Her tone and attitude should communicate to him - “I believe in you. I am your cheerleader and biggest fan.” Hands on the hips, rolling your eyes, emotional manipulation, mothering him, talking down to him, comparing him to other men, and demeaning him in front of your girlfriends - is disrespect. What should the wife do if her husband doesn't earn respect in some area? Encourage him, affirm him, and pray for him. Dave has told me that 20 people can give him a complement, but when he hears it from me, he feels like superman. Your husband needs to hear words of respect from you, and he will rise up and be the man who desire him to be.
In his Crosswalk article on the subject, Mark Gungor reminds us that a husband’s greatest need is respect. Gungor writes, “Most women are willing to show respect, but they want their men to be worthy of it. If he is not, a woman feels that showing respect is disingenuous and she moves into “I-had-better-correct-the-situation” mode. She believes she can respect her man only if she can get him to act respectable. But that is not how it works. Respect is too great a need for a man to have it come and go based on performance. If a woman will learn to risk respecting her man when he is not perfect, he will open his heart to her and will become pliable to change.”
The Bible is so clear about the needs of men and women in marriage. Ephesians 5:33 says, "let each of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Husbands need to love their wives (our next post) and wives need to respect their husbands. The more beautiful and durable marriages have discovered this truth.
This week, write you husband a letter, send him a text - tell him what you admire about him.
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