When pressure builds up in an airline or liquid line, much damage can happen to the line or parts connected to the line if you don't have a pressure relief valve. This pressure relief valve (PRV) is a type of safety valve used to control or limit the pressure in a system; without this valve pressure might build up and create a process failure, instrument or equipment failure, or fire.
We all need a pressure relief valve for our marriages as well. Over time pressure can build up because of finances, in-laws, miscommunication and misunderstanding, sick children, physical fatigue, health challenges and a host of other factors. Here's one thing Amy & I have learned to do every two or three months to relieve pressure in our relationship: Share a compliment and share a withhold at the same time.
Here's an example: I'll tell Amy that this week I want us to take some time and share a compliment and a withhold - that gives her and me a few days to think about it and collect our thoughts. Then we'll go out for a coffee or tea after work (this is NOT our date night, just face to face time), and I'll say, "Love, you did a wonderful job hosting that party for our family last week. The food was great, you made it fun and I think everyone had a great time - thanks for being such a hospitable, caring woman!" She can only say, "Thank you." Then I'll share the withhold: "Amy, the meal and time with our family was great, but everyone was confused about the time it started and what to bring - you communicated one thing in a text message and another thing in person to a few of the family members. And you never wrote asking what to bring. Could you work on communication? If you need help with this let me know." Then her only response is, "Thank you, Dave."
Then she does the same for me. And my only response after she shares one compliment and one withhold is: "Thank You." If you need more information or things aren't clear, discuss it LATER - but for the moment just receive it and process it as best as you can!
Talk together: Ask your fiancé or spouse to take 20 minutes this week when you'd like to share a withhold that you really need and want to share
Try this: Find a place in your home or coffee shop where you won't be distracted and take 20 minutes face to face and share one compliment and one withhold. Remember, the only proper response is a heart-felt "Thank You."
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